Let me start this post with a disclaimer: I LOVE MY HUSBAND! He is a wonderful man and I wouldn't trade him for anyone in the world. Honestly, this post doesn't have anything to do with him... it's all about me.
Some of you may have heard of something called the "Seven Year Itch." Its an old psychological term that suggests that happiness in a marriage starts to decline around year seven. That makes sense though. After seven years, you know everything about your partner. Soon, the only thing you notice is how much they annoy the hell out of you.
Unfortunately, my "itch" comes a little sooner than seven years though. I have been in three long term relationships (not including my husband) and they all ended around the second year. I don't know what it is... it's like all of those intense romantic feelings I once had came crashing to the ground shortly after our two year anniversaries. That's when I started seeing everything wrong with the situation. It seemed like my heart eyes turned into side eyes... and those feelings came out of the blue! Before I became more resentful in the relationship, I would do or say something to end it. So I have never actually gotten beyond this stage.
My husband and I just had our two year anniversary last month, so you know what that means... THE ITCH! The heart eyes are gone and my side eye is in full effect. It feels so weird! I try not to complain because I love my husband so much (see disclaimer) but EVERYTHING gets on my nerves! The things that I used to ignore or make excuses for drive me crazy. Here are some examples:
That's not even all of it lol. The old me would just find a way to sabotage the relationship before it gets worse, but I'm married. I can't just run away whenever I feel like it. Plus, he's not the problem. I am. Nothing about him has changed but my mindset has. I don't know how to transition from the infatuation phase to the comfort of companionship because I have never made it this far. So whenever he gets on my nerves, I take a deep breath and try to remember why I love his imperfections. For all my married/long term relationship ladies... do you go through this or am I the only one?
The other day I was on YouTube looking at tutorials when I fell down the “YouTube rabbit hole.” The rabbit hole is basically when you keep watching suggested videos until you end up on something completely unrelated to your original search. I came across several videos of YouTube gurus talking about why they don’t have female friends. Of course I was like, ooh let me watch! I don’t have friends either! It was interesting watching all of these beautiful, charismatic women tell their stories of being burned by other women. People (including me) who struggle with keeping friendships all have one thing in common—trust issues!
I bet every girl over the age of 12 has a story or two about some girl(s) who betrayed them. After that first time being scorned, it’s hard to trust again. Especially if that person was your “best friend.” So we go through life with a wall up. We keep our circles small or nonexistent. We keep other women at a distance because we fear getting close to them and being hurt all over again. Makes sense, right?
What doesn’t make sense is that a lot of us have gone through similar situations with men, but we still continue to date other men. Why can we forgive guys for treating us badly but we can’t forgive women? I’ve asked myself this question a few times. If a “friend” starts acting funny towards me, I’m ready to completely cut them off. No phone calls, no texts, no social media... they’re dead to me. If my man does the same thing, I make excuses for him. Or I’ll be mad for a second but will forgive him as soon as he starts acting right again. I’m ashamed of this, but I’ve thrown away childhood friendships because of petty disagreements. But for some reason I kept lying, cheating boyfriends around. Wtf?!
Personally, I’m sick of the “I don’t have friends” narrative. As women, we need to get over our female trust issues. Yes there will be girls out there who don’t have your best interests, but there are so many more women who will be a support system. Don’t miss out on a lifelong bestie because you’re afraid of getting hurt again. Let’s give friendship the same number of chances we give love.
My husband and I have been recently looking for a house (I know, that's some real grown up shit!) and we looked at a place on a road called "Easy Street." I thought, how cool would it be to live on Easy Street? Ironically, after looking at the house, my husband dropped big news on me that killed my Easy St. dreams. He got a perfect job offer in another area, so we're most likely moving to another city in two months. TWO MONTHS. I can't leave my current job, find a new one, pack, and unpack in TWO MONTHS! I could feel my anxiety start to creep up on me. That's when I started looking back on my life and I realized that NOTHING has ever come easy for me. NOTHING... except grade school. Academics came easily but that was it. For almost every other aspect in life, I had to fight. There have been numerous setbacks and breakdowns. Yes, I'm about to vent, but it's my blog I can do what I want.
Choosing a career was not easy.
I majored in Exercise Science thinking that I would become a physical therapist. That did not work out for me. My grades weren't good enough to be competitive, the guy I shadowed for experience didn't like me, professors wouldn't vouch for me... so that was a done deal. I nearly lost my fucking mind after undergrad because I had to move back home with my parents and go back to school (more loans = more debt) just to get a stable career started.
Working in that career was/is not easy.
After accruing a substantial amount of student loan debt, I finally graduated with my Master's in Education and thankfully got a job a week before my commencement in December. Anyone who knows anything about education will tell you that stepping into a classroom in the middle of the year is difficult, to say the least. Those last 5 months of the school year was a nightmare! I was bullied, taunted, and disrespected everyday... by third graders! AND their parents! All of that money wasted on a degree, just to get a job that I despised. Miraculously, I made it through those five months and somehow didn't get fired.
Getting married was not easy.
I would say the relationship with my husband has been full of obstacles that would break most people. Almost as soon as we met, we had to say goodbye because he was going to basic training in the army. If you don't know, that means no modern communication for months... only letters and an occasional phone call once a month. Then, he went to AIT on the other side of the country (another three months away from each other). AND THEN (the icing on the cake) he was stationed in Japan for a year and a half! I was like, wtf?! After all of the lonely nights and depression, we FINALLY got married and guess what? He had to go back to Japan for a year! We didn't live together until our 1 year anniversary.
House hunting is not easy.
Just when I got used to settling in this area and found the perfect house, my husband got the job offer. I'm happy for him because he's been applying to this job for months, but damn. Another obstacle. The area of the job doesn't have as many nice, affordable homes as our current city. Also I have to find another job, make new friends, and get acclimated AGAIN (I just moved last year!)
I did all of this complaining just to remind myself that in all of these situations, I made it through. Even when things seemed hopeless, I ran/walked/crawled to the other side. I'm annoyed at my current situation because it's not "easy," but I'm still grateful. Challenges make us grow... they give us wisdom and strength. Because of my previous situations, I appreciate my job and I'm an excellent teacher (just ask my supervisors). I appreciate my husband because I know what it's like to not have him by my side. I appreciate him so much that I'm willing to drop everything and move just so we won't have to be apart again. I know that through every setback I face, God will get me through and I'll be even stronger than I was before. Even though I cussed a few times in this post, I'll leave ya'll with this:
Whitney is currently an exhausted teacher, a loving daughter, an annoying little sister, and a devoted wife. :-)