One day I was talking to my mom about life, marriage, and other things and she said something that really got me thinking... She said, “did you ever imagine that all of this would happen to you? That’s why people shouldn’t kill themselves… you never know what’s in the future.” I thought about that for a second… my life has been crazy for the past couple of years.
When I thought about the future, all I saw was a black hole. People would ask where I saw myself in 5 years and I saw nothing. At all…
Around December 2015, my life really started to shift gears. I got my Master’s Degree finally! I thought those two years would never end. I started my career as an elementary teacher (my first adult job). Although it was extremely stressful and I made a lot of mistakes, I lived to see another school year lol. To top it all off, I got engaged and married to the love of my life in June 2016. If someone would have told me a few years ago that I would be this blessed, I would’ve laughed in their face! There was a point in my life when I was so depressed and broken. When I thought about the future, all I saw was a black hole. People would ask where I saw myself in 5 years and I saw nothing at all. This was the lowest point of my life.
I would say 2013 and 2014 were my rock bottom years. I never mentioned this to anyone, but there were times when I thought about how great it would be to just not wake up anymore.* To not have to wake up and realize that I was a failure… A new graduate with a mountain of debt, a slightly above minimum wage job, a car that barely worked, and I was living at my parent’s house again. So I used to believe that disappearing off the face of the earth was a lot better than facing that reality each day.
One day, I got fed up. I stopped sulking, put on my big girl panties and slowly started to build a future for myself.
But for some reason, I always woke up. Every. Single. Day. Clearly God had a purpose for me, right? One day, I got fed up. I stopped sulking, put on my big girl panties and slowly started to build a future for myself. I went back to school, bought a car, moved out of my high school bedroom, got a promotion at work, and things started going up from there. I didn’t realize it but I was sowing the seeds for a very fruitful future.
The point of this story is to never give up on yourself. Your future may seem like a giant cave of never-ending darkness, but it won’t always be that way. Sometimes when we are going through something, it seems like there is no way out. I promise you, better days will come. It won’t be easy or quick, but it’s worth it. I encourage you to put on your big girl (or boy) pants and decide to better yourself one step at a time. Just like my mom told me, you should never let go because you have no idea what life has in store for you. It may be even better than you could ever imagine. Just like Dr. Seuss said, "Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting so get on your way!"
*Just to be clear, I would NEVER commit suicide! If you are at a point where you are seriously considering this, please talk to someone immediately!