Let me start this post with a disclaimer: I LOVE MY HUSBAND! He is a wonderful man and I wouldn't trade him for anyone in the world. Honestly, this post doesn't have anything to do with him... it's all about me.
Some of you may have heard of something called the "Seven Year Itch." Its an old psychological term that suggests that happiness in a marriage starts to decline around year seven. That makes sense though. After seven years, you know everything about your partner. Soon, the only thing you notice is how much they annoy the hell out of you.
Unfortunately, my "itch" comes a little sooner than seven years though. I have been in three long term relationships (not including my husband) and they all ended around the second year. I don't know what it is... it's like all of those intense romantic feelings I once had came crashing to the ground shortly after our two year anniversaries. That's when I started seeing everything wrong with the situation. It seemed like my heart eyes turned into side eyes... and those feelings came out of the blue! Before I became more resentful in the relationship, I would do or say something to end it. So I have never actually gotten beyond this stage.
My husband and I just had our two year anniversary last month, so you know what that means... THE ITCH! The heart eyes are gone and my side eye is in full effect. It feels so weird! I try not to complain because I love my husband so much (see disclaimer) but EVERYTHING gets on my nerves! The things that I used to ignore or make excuses for drive me crazy. Here are some examples:
That's not even all of it lol. The old me would just find a way to sabotage the relationship before it gets worse, but I'm married. I can't just run away whenever I feel like it. Plus, he's not the problem. I am. Nothing about him has changed but my mindset has. I don't know how to transition from the infatuation phase to the comfort of companionship because I have never made it this far. So whenever he gets on my nerves, I take a deep breath and try to remember why I love his imperfections. For all my married/long term relationship ladies... do you go through this or am I the only one?
I am the definition of an introvert.
I like spending time alone, I'm not a fan of talking on the phone, and one of the best feelings in the world is when plans get canceled. Because of this, it's hard for me to make friends and even harder to keep them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a bad friend; it just takes a special kind of person to understand me. I'm sure I'm not the only introvert on the planet, so here are a few tips that people can follow if they have an introverted friend like me.
1. Don't be easily offended.
Us introverts are not the friends that you can call at the last minute for a night out. We need time to prepare our minds for a night of constant socializing. So please don't be offended if we decline your impromptu social invitations. We're not being rude, we just know that going out when we don't feel like it will result in both of us having a bad time. On the other hand, we are always available for a night in! (We'll even bring the wine).
2. We don't like to bother you.
We probably don't call people very often because we don't want to be bothersome. Of course we'll call to check on you after a tragic event or if we have some news to share, but calling just to talk can get awkward. Introverts overthink everything... what if they're busy? She's working and in school, she won't have time to talk... I don't really have much to say so I won't waste their time. To avoid the awkwardness, we tend to keep phone calls to a minimum. Feel free to text at all times and call whenever you need to. We will always make time for a vent session!
3. Less communication doesn't mean you're cut off.
This is where I struggle in my friendships. As we get older, we become busier. Most adults have to juggle school, work, relationships, kids, exercising, and the list goes on. Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own life and months pass before I realize I haven't heard from my friends. It's nothing personal, trust me!
From my experience, introverts make great friends. We just don't enjoy socializing that much, which is unfortunately the root of most friendships. Other than that, we are loyal, great listeners, and fun when we're around those we love. Don't count out your introverted friends... we love you, we just won't call you to tell you that.
Those of you who are reading this are probably thinking, what does she know about being a wife? She’s not married… she’s not even engaged! Does she even have a boyfriend?? And you would be exactly right. I don’t know a damn thing about being a wife. I’ve never been married, or engaged. To be perfectly honest, I’ve never even been in a relationship for longer than 18 months! SMH… So, the title is a little bit misleading, I guess. Let me explain…
I’ve always wanted to get married. How awesome would it be to go to sleep and wake up to the same person every day? I’ll have someone to take care of and someone to take care of me forever… I imagine it’s a wonderful feeling! I’m almost 25 years old and of course, my biological clock is ticking. I’m starting to see friends and old classmates tie the knot and start families, and it makes me want to join the bandwagon too. As my relationship with God began to grow, I started to realize WHY I wasn’t married yet. Back in the day, I was arrogant. I used to think, “I’m smart, I look good, I cook and clean… any man would be lucky to wife me up!” Now I realize that I’m not all that (which is why I’m not married or engaged). I’m extremely flawed—I’m broken, insanely insecure, sinful, needy, spoiled, and the list goes on and on. Once I made the discovery that I’m absolutely NOT marriage material, I began to pray. I asked God to fix me and turn me into a wife; someone that a strong man would be proud to claim; someone who could one day raise intelligent, righteous children; a true Proverbs 31 woman.
And it’s definitely working! Ever since I said that prayer, I have noticed a lot of changes occurring within me; changes that will make me an incredible woman for my own sake, as well as a phenomenal wife to some lucky man (if that’s in the plan for me).
1. I pray harder and more often.
I started to pray about everything, no matter how big or small. From “God, please allow me to pay my bills this month” to “Lord, I pray that my hair doesn’t frizz until I get home!” LOL! Seriously though, I’ve just been submitting everything to Him. I rarely get stressed out anymore, whereas in the past I would stress myself out to the point of becoming physically and mentally ill. I think this is an important trait because marriage is very difficult (so I’ve heard). If you stress out over every little thing, you’ll run yourself and your husband crazy!
2. I’m more financially responsible.
During my internship, I’m not working so I had to plan out every expenditure for the next few months. I know exactly where every cent of my money is going in advance and I have a strict budget. It’s so hard because I love shopping and trips… honestly, I just love spending money lol. This is a great trait for a wife to have because monetary issues are a main cause for divorce. Actually, this is a trait that ALL adults should have, regardless of marital status. You should always keep track of where your money is going so there won’t be any unpleasant surprises in the checkout line at WalMart.
3. I’m less emotional.
I’ll just be real… I’m a woman. I can go from 0 to 100 realllll quick. I can go through all five stages of grief in 20 minutes. One day I may want to kill everyone, the next day I’m everyone’s best friend. Women are emotional by nature. I will say that now I’m in more control of my feelings. Little things that used to send me over the edge don’t have the same effect on me anymore. Seeing a tiny scratch on my car or someone saying something negative about my hair used to ruin my whole day. I don’t dwell on things as much as I used to; I have more important things to worry about. I also don’t act on my emotions as quickly. In my past relationships, if I felt the urge to break up with a guy, I would do it with no hesitation. I would just wake up one day angry for no reason and decide that I’m going to be single lol. Now, I wait a while before making a decision. Strong feelings like that usually pass after a day or two.
4. I’m more patient.
This has been the hardest transition yet! When I want something, I want it NOW. Not in 10 minutes, not next week, not next year… RIGHT NOW! One of the bad things about making changes is that you’ll be forced to do a lot of things that you don’t want to do. Right now, I’m literally in a state where I can’t do anything but wait. I have to wait to graduate, wait to see my boyfriend, wait for a job, wait for my hair to grow… It’s driving me crazy! I have to remember that gaining patience will make me a better person/future wife/future mother in the long run.
5. I’m more comfortable with myself.
You’ve heard the old saying “No one can love you until you love yourself.” It's cliche, but very true. In the past, my insecurities ruined every relationship or possible relationship I had. Guys would say they loved me, but I wouldn’t believe them. Or I would think there was something wrong with them for having feelings for me… Yeah, I was messed up in the head. Now, God has helped me learn to love my flaws which will give another person the opportunity to love them as well. :-)
I know that I have changed in more ways but these five stuck out to me the most. Ladies, I encourage all of you to say this prayer if you haven’t already! Even if you never want to be married or tied down, you can still have the attributes of a Godly woman. Your life will be much less stressful and happier. There's a possibility that I may never get married, but I’m glad that God is changing me into a better woman!
Update: I'm married now! See? Working on yourself will change how people perceive you and bring all of the right people into your life.