The other day I was on YouTube looking at tutorials when I fell down the “YouTube rabbit hole.” The rabbit hole is basically when you keep watching suggested videos until you end up on something completely unrelated to your original search. I came across several videos of YouTube gurus talking about why they don’t have female friends. Of course I was like, ooh let me watch! I don’t have friends either! It was interesting watching all of these beautiful, charismatic women tell their stories of being burned by other women. People (including me) who struggle with keeping friendships all have one thing in common—trust issues!
I bet every girl over the age of 12 has a story or two about some girl(s) who betrayed them. After that first time being scorned, it’s hard to trust again. Especially if that person was your “best friend.” So we go through life with a wall up. We keep our circles small or nonexistent. We keep other women at a distance because we fear getting close to them and being hurt all over again. Makes sense, right?
What doesn’t make sense is that a lot of us have gone through similar situations with men, but we still continue to date other men. Why can we forgive guys for treating us badly but we can’t forgive women? I’ve asked myself this question a few times. If a “friend” starts acting funny towards me, I’m ready to completely cut them off. No phone calls, no texts, no social media... they’re dead to me. If my man does the same thing, I make excuses for him. Or I’ll be mad for a second but will forgive him as soon as he starts acting right again. I’m ashamed of this, but I’ve thrown away childhood friendships because of petty disagreements. But for some reason I kept lying, cheating boyfriends around. Wtf?!
Personally, I’m sick of the “I don’t have friends” narrative. As women, we need to get over our female trust issues. Yes there will be girls out there who don’t have your best interests, but there are so many more women who will be a support system. Don’t miss out on a lifelong bestie because you’re afraid of getting hurt again. Let’s give friendship the same number of chances we give love.
Whitney is currently an exhausted teacher, a loving daughter, an annoying little sister, and a devoted wife. :-)