You're his GIRLFRIEND, not his WIFE

Dating shouldn’t be an AUDITION for marriage; it should be a PREVIEW.

I’ve heard several men talk about how their girlfriends don’t do this or that for them and they get frustrated. They all justify their frustration with this tired old argument “how am I supposed to make her my wife if she doesn’t act like it?” Well, my brother, I hate to break it to you, but until you place a ring on her finger she’s not required to do anything for you. Ladies, just because he takes you on some dates and cuddles while you’re on your period does not make him your priority.

What if women flipped the script, “How am I supposed to act like a wife if he doesn’t act like a husband?” Here’s what husbands do: they lead you spiritually, pay bills, fix things around the house, make sure you are protected and provided for, help take care of kids, etc. Is he doing all of these things? EXACTLY. No self-respected man will do all of these things for a woman he is just dating, so why do men expect so much from us?

I know I sound like a bitter Betty, but I’m not (I promise!). I’m not saying be lazy and unwilling to do things until he proposes… I’m saying don’t dedicate your life to your man. Women have a tendency to do entirely too much when we’re in love. Sometimes, this scares men away or they get too comfortable and don’t see a need to advance the relationship. It’s possible to be a great girlfriend without “playing house.” For example, a great girlfriend cooks for herself and offers her man some of it. A pretend wife cooks for him every day of the week. A great girlfriend keeps her place clean while her man is there; a pretend wife cleans her man’s place for him. A great girlfriend makes time for her man when her schedule allows; a pretend wife cancels her plans to be with him. See the difference? There’s nothing wrong with being slightly selfish while dating. You have plenty of time to make sacrifices while you’re married.

I used to be a pretend wife. I just knew that I was going to marry this guy, but he didn’t realize it yet lol. So I acted like a wife to him. I cooked, cleaned his apartment, washed his dirty underwear, had sex (even when I didn’t want to), took care of him when he was sick, bought groceries, etc. I felt like dating was an audition for the big role—marriage—and the more I did, the more he would discover that I was “the one.” I’m glad I didn’t actually marry this guy because I was too exhausted from the relationship to be a decent wife! To make things worse, my efforts were usually taken for granted and I STILL didn’t get a ring… That’s pathetic!

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Of course you should cook sometimes, keep things clean, and care for him if he’s sick or hurt, but these things should not interfere with YOUR life. It’s not your job to take care of another grown person. You don’t have to follow him when he moves, have sex whenever he wants, have dinner waiting for him every night, have his kids, live with him… Honestly, you don’t have to do anything. If this man really loves you, he’ll appreciate you for giving him your time and love.

Moral of the story: Catering to your man will not get you a ring. So STOP treating your boyfriends like husbands! Set some boundaries for the relationship at the beginning and stick to those boundaries until you take it to the next level. Dating shouldn’t be an AUDITION for marriage; it should be a PREVIEW. It’s like a movie trailer—why pay for the movie when you already know what happens? Let him know what type of wife you’ll be without showing him everything. When I get married, I will do anything and everything I can for my husband to make him happy and comfortable :-) For now, I’m just a girlfriend and I play my role accordingly… and my man's not complaining!