I believe that there is no point in casual sex. None whatsoever. “But it’s fun,” some of you will say. “It feels good,” others will say… but so what? Ever since I found out about soul ties and have seen its effect on several of my friends and myself, I really started to become more selective about who I “give” myself to. I also realized that none of those guys who received a special part of me give a fuck about me. I reached this conclusion one day after going days without human contact. No texts, no calls, no DMs... I really starting thinking, where are they now? Believe me, I don’t care if my exes check up on me or not, but that thought just resonated in my mind for a while.
To me, sex is more of a spiritual experience than a physical one. When you do it, you become one with another person. One mind, body, soul… it’s a very special thing (I truly understand why it should be saved for marriage, but it’s too late for all that!). I have had this deep, sensual experience with quite a few guys and I can honestly say that NONE of them can be called a friend. At one time, we shared such an intimate encounter, but where are they now? I can’t call them up and have a genuine conversation. We don’t ask each other how our lives are going. We don’t pray for each other’s well being… we don’t even care about how the other is doing! There may even be one or two past lovers who don’t even know (or care) if I’m still alive. I’m sure many of you can relate. Like I said, I don’t want any of their attention… it’s just the fact that these people have a part of me that I can never get back, but we don’t even exist to each other anymore. That’s crazy, right? To me, it is. That’s why I’m more cautious now about who I become intimate with. Ideally, I would like to hold out until marriage. That’s my goal, but I can’t lie to you… I’m only human! That’s just something to think about before you let a man enter you. Will he still be there in a year? A month? Next week??
So far, life has taught me some very valuable (and painful) lessons. But there is one that has proven to be true in ALL situations. My #1 life lesson is this: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” It’s an old, tired cliché, but it is 1000% true! And if you truly know God, you know He has a twisted sense of humor lol.
I’m a perfectionist with a slight hint of OCD, so I’ve been making plans for my whole life. I always made lists of things I wanted to accomplish the next year, and 5 year plans. I knew that I had life completely figured out. I remember that I made a 5 year plan after high school. By 2014 (last year) I would:
1. graduate from college
2. be working in my field
3. be married to the love of my life
4. have a house out of Alabama
5. have AT LEAST 1 kid
God really thought I was hilarious. I imagine him laughing at me like I was opening for a Kevin Hart standup. Of all these things, I have only accomplished ONE (I’ll let you guess which one). Not for lack of trying, but because God had other things in mind…
The day you find out you have no control over your destiny will probably be the worst day of your life.
I graduated with a degree in Exercise Science and I just knew I was going to Physical Therapy school far away from Alabama. I was going to find a husband, get married, and have my first kid before the age of 26 (a year after being in the field, of course!). My life was going to be smooth sailing after I walked across that stage… SIKE! What really happened: I got rejected from EVERY school that I applied to, I was unemployed after graduating, and I moved back in with my parents. Definitely NOT in the plan… I fell into a very deep depression because I just didn’t know what to do! I felt like I was a failure and I had no future ahead of me. I was lost…
The day you find out you have no control over your destiny will probably be the worst day of your life. It was a hard pill for me to swallow, especially since I wasn’t very strong in my faith at the time. I rebelled and threw temper tantrums like a toddler. “But God, I don’t wanna do this, I wanna do that!” or “I’m not doing that and you can't make me!” One day—after God showed me time and time again who really ran the show—I threw up my hands and reluctantly asked Him to take the wheel.
That was the BEST DECISION EVER! Ever since, things have been falling into place. Of course there have been some obstacles along the way that make me want to go back to my old ways. Then I remember that God has a better future planned for me than I do. My five year plan has nothing on His! I still question Him though (“Are you sure I’m supposed to be here?”) and sometimes I throw my temper tantrums and get frustrated… But I have to remember to keep my faith. Everything will work out in my favor. I just have to be patient and keep praying.
So I prayed and prayed about my future and somehow God led me to education. My mom was a teacher and I vowed to NEVER do it because it seemed like a constant headache (and there’s no money in it). But here I am! And I’m a semester away from graduating with a Master’s degree. I have my own apartment and a great job working with kids. I’m still not married (no kids either!), but who knows what may happen in the next year ;-) A couple of years ago, I never expected to be where I am today.
This is what I try to tell my friends when they say things aren’t going as planned… of course they aren’t, because YOU made the plans! I encourage everyone to give up control of your life. I don’t mean just sitting on the couch all day praying for miracles lol. I mean ask God where He wants you to go and really listen to it. You may have to give up your current job, friends, or even family members but things will finally fall into place when you stop calling the shots. Now, I ask God for help with every decision I make and He hasn’t steered me wrong yet! I’m confident He never will :-)
This picture has been floating around the internet recently and everybody has expressed their opinions about it, so let me put my two cents in...
I really don't know how to feel about it. On one hand, I'm like "you go girl!" because that takes guts. Asking a man any question that has to do with commitment takes a lot of balls. On the other hand, what satisfaction does a woman get from proposing to a man? A woman who does this is basically saying, "I don't think you'll ever step up and do this, so I have to do it myself." And a man who accepts this proposal is saying, "you're right. I didn't plan on asking you." Best case scenario, he's thinking "I was going to ask you in due time, but now I don't have to." Either way, it sets a horrible precedent for your future relationship. How can you expect a man to step up to the plate if you won't let him?
The feminists are going to hate me for this statement, but here goes... I hate to break it to you ladies, but the man has the upper hand in the relationship. It took me a long time to accept this reality, but he does. HE decides to pursue you. HE decides whether he wants to commit to you. HE decides when he wants to marry you. Of course, we have power too. We have certain qualities that make a man want to do these things. We encourage him to step up and be a man when he needs to, we bring out the best qualities in our men, and we have the power of the... you know lol. With that being said, proposing to a man won't change anything. Yeah, you decided you loved him so much that you wanted the world to know that he was claimed. But guess what? You'll still get married when HE's ready. You picked out a dress and told your family and friends about it, but that dress will sit in the closet for years if he's not ready to commit to you. Also, if you love this man enough to spend the rest of your life with him, why not wait for him? He's worth it, right?
Whitney is currently an exhausted teacher, a loving daughter, an annoying little sister, and a devoted wife. :-)